Tuesday, December 24, 2019

The Return Of The Walker-Grinch

If one was to believe Scott Walker, he is a true Christian and a champion of Christmas. He goes on Twitter, copying and pasting Bible versus and he shows just the right amount of faux outrage about whether it's called a Christmas tree or a holiday tree.

But his behavior quickly belies that false front.

Six years ago, on Black Friday, Walker sent out a campaign fundraising email that took the world's breath away by basically telling people to take Christmas away from their children:

Instead of venturing into the cold this Black Friday, stay in and give your children a gift that will keep on giving.

This year, we are celebrating the Holiday Season with a Black Friday special that is better than any deal found in stores. Donate $5, $10 or $25 to help Governor Walker get reelected and save your children from a future of double-digit tax increases and billion dollar budget deficits.

Instead of electronics or toys that will undoubtedly be outdated, broken, or lost by the next Holiday Season, help give your children the gift of a Wisconsin that we can all be proud of. ...
Now, Walker is at again.

He wrote a barely intelligible essay in which he politicizes Christmas by portraying Santa Claus as a socialist and then painting Christmas as a nightmare. Here is a sampling of his insanity:
Imagine if Santa were a socialist.

Everyone would get the same thing for Christmas. There would not be any creative or handmade gifts. Each would be a bland, standard-issue, non-offensive, gender-neutral gift designed by a bureaucrat in the North Pole.

In fact, Santa would no longer be male and most likely would be gender-neutral. All references to him or his in the stories about Santa would be removed so as not to offend anyone. No more white hair and beard as Santa would not want to be confused with a boomer.

Gifts would be given regardless of whether someone was naughty or nice. There would be no regard for Christmas Spirit or work ethic. It would not matter if you believe in Santa Claus or not, everyone would receive the same gift.

And about half of us would be paying for everyone else’s gifts. Forget about charity. Santa would have a comfy government job and many of us would pay much higher taxes to cover the costs of all of the gifts given out each year.

If Santa were a socialist, he would get around to delivering gifts about as fast as most socialist nations get around to providing essential government services — which means you’d probably get your presents some time next summer. Clearly, he and his helpers would not be working on a holiday — even at time-and-a-half — and certainly not if it wasn’t spelled out in their contract. So you can kiss Christmas Eve goodbye.

Santa’s helpers would be called vertically challenged and uniquely eared. All references to “elves” would be branded as insensitive. Those who used that language would be shunned.

Rudolph and the other reindeer would be banned over the next decade under the socialist Green New Deal. Like cows, they pass gas, and the democratic socialists’ plan would eliminate all of these animals who flatulate.
In all honesty, Walker probably didn't write this or at least not by himself because all the words are spelled correctly, which is beyond Walker's capabilities.

Walker ends his little diatribe by simply stating that Santa isn't a socialist so everything is just dandy. However, he doesn't say what he thinks Santa is. Knowing Walker, he wishes Santa was a capitalist, which is just silly.

In Walker's world of a capitalist Santa, only the worthy kids would get presents, meaning white children of wealthy parents who donate to him and other right wing causes. Children with brown or black skin aren't worthy. Neither are children from poor families. These little urchins don't deserve anything nice.

In Walker's world, Rudolph and the other reindeer would all be dead, shot by wealthy campaign donors, who had the heads mounted as trophies in their dens. The few presents that would be delivered each year would be done with fleets of gas-guzzling, smoke-belching trucks and vans.

In Walker's dream world, the elves would be alive but severely malnourished and sickly, because a decent profit margin can't be maintained by providing such luxuries. In other words, the elves would be the victims of the rebirth of slavery.

In Walker's world, you can forget about even seeing Santa. He doesn't have time for that claptrap. He's going to be off golfing at Mar-A-Lago with Trump and hiring lobbyists to give him bigger and bigger tax breaks even though he's never paid any taxes in his life.

But fortunately, Walker is full of shit. Santa doesn't charge for presents and he doesn't discriminate. Santa makes sure all children have the best Christmas they can, regardless of their skin tone or socioeconomic backgrounds.

The elves would be well taken care of of because Santa knows that productivity is highest when the workers are happy and healthy. Hell, he'd probably let them unionize. Likewise, the reindeer would also be well fed and well taken care of because he wants the reindeer to be happy. An unhappy reindeer won't fly.

But Santa isn't real in either scenario. If he were real, people would be able to see through Walker's bullshit and would never have elected him or anyone like him in the first place. Also, if Santa were real, Walker and his ilk wouldn't be getting presents or even a lump of coal. They all would be receiving jail sentences.

1 comment:

  1. Huh. The laughable conceit Walker is too dense to perceive is that the Republican-dominated legislature continues to foment a Fascist dystopia that actually IS horrifying.
    Oh, there IS one more laughable conceit: that anything supposedly penned by Walker, or reflecting his "thoughts," is even relevant. His terms of disservice are over, yet he refuses to apologize for the damage he's done at the behest of his masters, or to rectify it.
    And no matter what his masters do to polish this turd, it is dull, it is avoided, and it reeks. Only in decay may it one day prove useful.