Sunday, July 6, 2008

On A Positive Note...

The preceding post about Bush Derangement Syndrome was prompted by an email I got from a friend of mine.

It reads:

The war in Iraq is still raging, gas prices are sky-high, the federal deficit continues to grow, yada yada... There have been an awful lot of shots taken at our president in recent months, as problems mount and his approval ratings plummet. But I want to be fair: George W. Bush has done some good things, too.

Positive things President Bush Has Done

15. Well, he never accidentally shot anyone while hunting!

14. Dramatically raised the bar for future presidents who want to be considered "Worst President Ever."

13. Brought the tourists back to Guantanamo Bay.

12. Demonsterated that alcohol and drug abuse during one's youth has absolutably no effect on one's job performabication later in life.

11. Finally put all those scientists and historians and economists with their fancy book-learnin' in their place.

10. Took the pain out of long commutes by both making gas too damned expensive to afford and eliminating our jobs.

9. Shattered a glass ceiling by giving female soldiers the opportunity to point at POW penises.

8. Gave the rest of the world a chance to catch up with America.

7. He wrested a country from the clutches of a twisted, tyrannical megalomaniac.
And Ashcroft will never forgive him for it.

6. Stood devoutly aside as the wrathful Lord exacted His vengeance on the depraved
populace of New Orleans, avoiding such heretical modern responses as "humanitarian aid" or "giving a damn."

5. Helped with that whole superiority complex that Americans had going on.

4. Put a serious dent in our nation's brush-clearing problem.

3. Got a really good price for selling America to the oil companies.

2. Caught more al-Qaeda #2s than the Waziristani sewer system.

Number 1 Positive Thing President Bush Has Done...

1. Single-handedly convinced Frank T. Burvis, unemployed Klansman from New Orleans, to vote for a African-American Democrat for president.

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