Monday, November 11, 2013

My Interview with the Kleefisches

By Jeff Simpson

Wisconsin's second couple was kind enough recently to give me some time for an interview.  Here it is in its entirety:

CogDis:  Thank you Rebecca for giving me and CogDis a few minutes to discuss some of the issues that are important to the people of WI.

RebeccaforReal:  Your welcome.    I always thought Cogdis was a golf course but I am glad to sit down with my Constituents and talk about WI.

Cogdis:  Umm that is Cog Hill, but that's Ok let's get down to it.  I thought Joel would be joining us.

RFR:  He is hunting still and Mr. B has the kids somewhere, I think at soccer.  No wait, maybe dance?  Somewhere around here he is running them. 

CD:  Of course.   OK, first question.  What do you like most about your job as Lieutenant Governor.

RFR:  Are you kidding?  The perks.  I make $76,261/yr with AMAZING benefits, an expense account and no one cares (or asks) what I do all day or where I go!   You can not ask for anything more!    Plus Scott Walker is out of the state fundraising so much, that I am practically the Governor on a daily basis.  

CD;  Good work if you can get it!    How are you feeling after your bout with Colon Cancer.

RFR:   “Colon cancer doesn’t discriminate between young and old or rich or poor, it knows no color, ethnicity or gender. But my appeal to you today is not about raising fears because there is hope for people who are diagnosed with this disease. Early detection is key. And I’d like to serve as a reminder that colon cancer can be beaten with treatment. So please have the guts to get screened ... it saved my life and talking about colonoscopies is funny. Talking about cancer isn’t.”

CD:  outstanding congratulations. (phone rings)

RFR:  Hello.  O HI Lori!  No Joel isn't in right now, he should be shortly.   Ok you can call him on his cell if you want.  Thank you, good bye.

Joel is such a great legislator that he is always helping people.  This poor woman, has all kinds of needs and Joel is always there for her.  If only the public knew that side of him, but he is so humble he keeps it secret.

CD:  Its good to see a legislator who cares about the people like this.   I want to go back to your cancer.   You were treated with Oral chemotherapy to help you beat Cancer.

RFR:  Yes I was.

CD:  So why then would you oppose a mandate that makes insurance companies cover such treatment.  Especially in lieu of you being cured by such treatment.  Can you put yourself in their shoes and think aboiut where you would be if YOUR insurance didn't cover the treatments your doctors felt best to use with you?

RFR:   "Because I'm a free market guy, I don't believe in mandates on business."

CD:   Ummmmmm.  So you dont think that insurance companies should be forced to pay for treatments of cancer patients? That that burden should fall on the patient themselves?   Do you remember your time when you were diagnosed?  Can you imagine the burden of having tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars of bills on top of the stress of being told you have cancer?

RFRI dont think gays should be able to marry!

CD:  Huh (joel walks in)

JOEL:   Hello all!   Sorry I am late.

RFR: Did you get anything

JOEL: Did I ever!

CD:  Congrats Joel.  I just have a few questions, then I will get out of your way. 

JK:   No problem, always glad to help and talk about this great state of WI 

RFR:  Joel, before I forget, Lori called. 

JK  SHE DID!!!!!!   ...errr   I mean she did?  

RFR:  Yes she had a question on the thing you two were working on, said she would call you later.   your such a champion of the people!  (Joel Blushes)

CD:   Yes Joel, you rock.  Now lets get back into it.   Rebecca and I were just talking about her bout with cancer and we are all glad that she has worked her way through it!   

JK:   Yes she is a true fighter.  Sarah Palin has nothing on her!   Bec should have been McCain's running mate, they would have won and we would not be wasting our time on this Obamacare BS. 

JK:    "It is my hope and prayer that anybody who would need this type of chemotherapy would be able to receive it, no doubt, That does not eliminate the difficult question for who is going to pay for it."

CD:  Who paid for Rebecca's treatment?

JK:  Insurance of course.  If someone doesn't have insurance they should buy it.  If someone does not have a job they should just go get one.   I did! However we can not have taxpayer funded insurance its too expensive.

RFR:  I am a free market guy!  

CD:  But your insurance is 100% tax payer funded insurance and you are able to get any treatment you need. 


CD: Allrighty then.   Let's move on.  What do you like best about your job.

JK:  The perks!  I get paid to hunt, never have to take vacation and get $88/day just for driving to Madison!  Did I tell you about the bear I killed? 

CD:  Nice Bear.   It seems as though all of your bills have to do with guns.    You wanted to start a Sand Hill Crane hunting season:

JK:  Yummy.  Wanna try some and you will see.  errrr....I mean if you ever get the chance you should try some.  

CD:  I just lost my appetite thanks, then you wanted to allow anyone with a ccw permit to carry a gun in our schools.

JK:  I am not sure the citizens of Wisconsin want concealed carry holders on their school grounds.

CD:  Well I am glad you introduced it, since no one wants it.

JK:  Well the NRA congratulated me.

Long pause

CD:  You guys have been passing many bills in the Assembly, what was your finest hour.

JK:  When I got to push all of the buttons! That was cool! 

CD:  Its the little things in life.   One last question.  Will you be running for re-election?

JK;  Of course, I cant give this gig up.  What else could I do to get paid so well to hunt?  Its not like I ever have to actually work.    Besides, the democrats wont contest me.   Last election they did, then the party insiders attacked him and made my job easier.  I did not even have to campaign, which was good, because then I didn't have to explain that silly little business about Ecoli.  I mean seriously a couple people get a little bit sick, we can not interfere with business just for a couple stomach aches can we?

CD:  Thanks for the time.  I have to go home and beat my head against my desk!

JK and RFR: sure you dont want to stay for dinner? We are having Little Ceasar's pizza.   Later we can head over to Lakerz and have a beer! Mr. B will be our designated driver, IF he gets our kids home in time.   

CD:  Thanks but I have to do go home and pull my hair out!


  1. You've been watching Jon Stewart.
    Unfortunately these things are actually happening. Can't wait for crane season up here in sand country. I heard that Rep Kleefisch said that a well-prepared sandhill crane tastes just like .... eagle.

  2. You sure that wasn't union-busting Palermo's pizza?