Monday, September 29, 2014

In Search Of Chris Abele And The Missing County Budget

Traditionally, the proposed Milwaukee County budget is presented to the Milwaukee County Board at their meeting at the end of September.  This year, the budget was supposed to be presented on September 25th, as has been outlined on the county website.

However, this year, for the first time in Milwaukee County history, the county executive, Boss Abele, refused to meet with the County Board on the designated date and failed to present his recommended budget.

We know that the budget was ready, since he was going around bragging about it to everyone and anyone who would listen*.  We also know that Boss Abele would never willfully fail to meet the most important aspect of his job, since he also keeps telling everyone and anyone who would listen* how he is all about accountability, efficiency and best practices.

Obviously, something terrible must have befallen Boss Abele.

Our friends at AFSCME and SEIU sent out the word that Abele was Missing In Action as soon as he failed to be where he was supposed to be on Thursday.

We at Cog Dis, being the good citizens we are, immediately set about trying to find Boss Abele and the missing 2015 budget.

Knowing that Abele likes to tip a few back, we immediately checked the sidewalk in front of the University Club, a place that Abele is known to patronize - a lot.

While we found a lot of other bums, we did not find the one we were looking for.

Then we got a tip he was at the Potowatomi Casino and Hotel.  We had heard he was supposed to be there next week, but wondered if he had shown up early.  Further investigation showed that it was not Abele and his entourage, but a bunch of bed bugs.  We chalked it up as an honest mistake.

Not having any luck finding Boss Abele, we have decided to go with the new tech.  Sadly, we learned that the state's warning system was the silver alert system and not the silver spoon alert system.

Unwilling to give up just because high tech failed us, we went old school and got Boss Abele's face on milk cartons:

Then we realized that Boss Abele isn't the type to mingle with the common folk who drink milk, so we came up with an idea that would get the word out to his associates in groups like the Greater Milwaukee Committee.  We had the missing poster put on bottles of champagne:

But please keep your eyes open for Boss Abele and his missing budget.  We have heard that it is pretty messy and way off balance, so the County Board can't afford all of this lost time that they will need to fix it.

And just in case he might stagger into his office, you can help light a firecracker under his butt by calling him at 414-278-4211 or emailing his office at: and tell Boss Abele to get to work!

*The number or people who are willing to listen to Boss Abele has been dropping drastically as he continues to lose credibility and political clout.

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