Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Scott Walker Wants My Help

I received an email from Scott Walker today.  The subject line was "Help me this Saturday!"

Well, I'd be glad to help him out, but I have plans for this Saturday, so I decided to help him right now - by translating his email from Weaselspeak to English so everyone knows what he's all about.

The following is his email, verbatim, (but without links - don't need any bad things infecting the People's Computer) with my commentary in italics:

Over the last year, we have seen one trick after another from our opponents when it comes to downplaying our record of limiting government and putting the reins of control in Wisconsin back in the hands of the people.

Walker's opponents are the people of Wisconsin.  He is calling us tricksters.  And I don't believe anyone is downplaying his record regarding limiting government, since he is spending more than last year.  As for the reins of control, we took that ourselves when we started the recall.

The big-government unions and out-of-state, public sector special interests will stop at nothing to derail all of the positive reforms we have made for our great state.

Did he really just say that?  The guy that spent at least seven weeks fund raising out of the state since becoming governor. That's more than twice the time the Fab 14 spent in Illinois trying to slow down the train wreck Walker was putting the state in.  And when is losing jobs for six straight months a positive thing?

Today, I'm asking you to stand with me and show those who wish to expand the control of government to each and every aspect of your life that times have changed here in Wisconsin.

Again, Walker hiked up the spending and the deficit.  But this is the governor who has taken away medical care and wants to take away the rights of women to decide what happens to their bodies, where they can send their kids to school, or if they should even have a voice in matters involving them.

This Saturday, February 25th, the Republican Party of Wisconsin will be hosting the first Super Saturday of this election year.

With the RPW’s help, we will be making phone calls to our friends and neighbors from 9 am to 9 pm. This effort will help our cause by identifying and engaging our supporters and reminding them how important it is to get out and support our reforms.

"This effort will help our cause by identifying...our supporters" = "Is there anyone out there that still supports me?"

With each supporter that you identify, we will be one step closer to putting an end to the big-government, public sector union’s attempted power grab in Madison that is going to cost Wisconsin taxpayers at least $9 million.

Walker's agenda has already cost the state nearly 50,000 jobs and hundreds of millions of dollars.  We can't afford to not recall him.  Oh, and I think I might know more non-union people involved with the recall than union workers.  And I know a lot of union workers.

Signing up for a shift at your local Victory Center is a quick and easy process.

Give us your valuable contact information so we can hammer you constantly for money.

This Super Saturday event is being broken down into four shifts; 9am – 12pm, 12pm – 3pm, 3pm – 6 pm and 6pm to 9pm. You are more than welcome to come in for just an hour or you can stay all day if your have the time.

Four out of five doctors find that repeating BS for more than three hours can cause permanent brain damage.  The fifth doctor is Dr. Koch.

Your support is greatly appreciated and will help make sure that my bold reforms that are moving Wisconsin forward stay in place, not just today or tomorrow, but for generations to come.

I will make sure your children, grandchildren and their children and grandchildren will be serfs to Koch Industries.

Thank you for your support, and I look forward to seeing some of you this Saturday.

If any of you happen to be at the Koch brothers' beach house in Cali.


Not really.

Governor Scott Walker

Soon to be former Governor, Inmate #78925135


  1. It would be really tempting to sign up for a shift and then not show up.

  2. I encourage anyone who can to show up and make a few calls to remind people about the fake phone call. Seems to me that that act of brilliance says it all.

  3. I heard that there is going to be a rally in Madison on Saturday March 10 at 2:00. The anniversary of the day when 100,000 came to protest. That really sounds like a "Super Saturday" to me.

  4. It's unfortunate that reporters are too busy to ask officials about the crazy stuff in their fundraising letters.