Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Coming To The Fiction Section Of A Bookstore Near You

So, Scott Walker wants to write a book.

No, really.

Yes, yes, one would think that before one wrote a book, one would have at least
read one at some point.

Well, actually, he's not writing it.  It's being written by Marc Thiessen, a former apologist for George W. Bush, who actually tried to justify the use of torture.

It makes sense that Walker chose Thiessen to write his memoirs.  Thiessen is already experienced at trying to justify crimes against humanity.

In addition to this, Walker is completely incapable of writing anything comprehensible by himself, as evidenced by the one time he tried to write about Abraham Lincoln:
Walker the historian gives us a comment on Lincoln's most famous speech, and misspells a great man's name twice in the process:

"At (sic) his Gettysburg Address, Lincoln famously said, 'Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal' This was not just lip service, as evidenced from the words of contemporaries like Frederick Douglas (sic), former slave and early civil rights leader. Douglas (sic) said Lincoln was 'the first great man that I talked with in the United States freely who in no single instance reminded me of the difference between himself and myself, of the difference of color.'"

Walker's screed against the Democrats, disguised as a tribute to Lincoln, goes on to say, "This sediment (sic) that all men are is equal is evidenced in the Republican Party's current platform of equal taxes on all, and opportunity for all regardless of race, gender, or age ... Contrast that with the tenants (sic) of the (sic) Barack Obama and the Democrat (sic) party ...
The third reason that Walker chose Thiessen was because that is who David Koch sent to him.

But it keeps getting better!

Walker is naming his book "Unintimidated."

Boy, doesn't that just roll of the tongue?

Actually, this was probably just another misspelling by Walker. He actually meant to call it "Unmitigated," as in Unmitigated Bullsh*t.

Anyway, some of the chapter titles will include:

The book almost never got off the ground because he couldn't decide if he wanted it to be a picture book, a pop up book or a coloring book.

The dilemma was resolved when they decided to make it a connect the dots book where the dots don't connect. Ever. 

Actually, truth be told, there is no point to the book.

But it will include one special insert section for Walker's favorite pastime - Paper dolls:


  1. My friends and I intend to buy the book when it hits the clearance rack, apply for a permit and have one heck of a bonfire with Scooter's book as the kindling!

    Other suggestions I've heard was tear out he pages and use as TP.

  2. Can we get a permit for a burning at the capital?

  3. Another chapter, or maybe even an alternate book title,

    MEGALOMANIA, Conquering Egocentrism the Walker Way

  4. Is this a Borowitz Report or a front page item in The Onion?

  5. The title should be: "UnIndicted: How Rich Friends Can Keep You Out Of Prison"

  6. Of course this is a lot of fun, but we have to remember that the timing of this announcement is likely purposeful as a media distraction for whatever else is going on with the BUDGET, tax breaks for cronies or potential sales of public resources in no-bid contracts.

    That along with ground hog hunting, charging higher fees for FOIA requests, requesting green energy status be applied to nuclear energy production and any other, hardly-a-job-creation pos trial balloon being pushed by people like Bies or Jauch or their other first time in a majority position in almost forever, water-boy tools, who are likely feeling agreeable with the media attention being paid them.